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“What does it mean to be friends with benefits?”
Friends with benefits is where friends transcend another level in their friendship to give each other sexual gratification without the usual expectations of a romantic relationship.
I had a friend with benefits when I met my wife. My friend was a single mom and artist, who came to me as a shiatsu volunteer. We became friends and she complained how men and relationships sucked away the energy she needed for her art and her daughter.
However, people still have needs. Since I wasn’t seeing anyone at that time, we made a deal that we’d go out on the town on the weekends when her daughter was with her ex (the daughter’s biological father). We also agreed to mention to the other if we developed romantic feelings (not that I was at risk, because I’m not in the habit making emotional bonds with people), so we could renegotiate our relationship if necessary.
The biggest difference between a lover and a friend with benefits, for me, was the sex. Whereas you tend to be careful expressing your wishes to a lover, you can be forthright or even brutally honest with a friend about your predilections, i.e. “This is how I like my oral sex”, or “Can you pull my hair during anal?”. Friends accept each other as they are, instead of lovers trying to get their partners to change to their ideal.
I was friends with my wife for nine months before we became lovers. During that time I had my friend with benefits and we were good friends together. My FWB noticed the growing attraction, so she wasn’t surprised when I told her that I wanted to end the ‘with benefits’ part of our friendship. She did profess that her fondness of me had blossomed in more passionate desire, but she knew that I didn’t feel that way about her.
We’re still friends, although she moved from Amsterdam to another part of the country.
Friendships with benefits can work just fine, but only if you are truly friends first, so you can discuss issues if your feelings for each other change. If you’re the jealous/possessive type, you won’t be able to be friends with benefits.
Friends with Benefits (FWB) is the most subjective and misunderstood term.
FWB means intentionally be friending someone to fulfill your own purpose. The purpose could be right or wrong. At every point of life we come across a lot of such people right from our adolescence till the time we are alive.
It is more of a psychology than the nature of a person which begins with an attraction. We all know that a human being is a selfish animal. If we think about it in a deeper perspective, we all have done that at least once in a while(knowingly or unknowingly).
But it hurts a lot if the thing happens with us unexpectedly which happens because of our selfish nature. Although, it starts from a psychology but it end up being a trait for many of us(if the things turn out to be in our favor).
I have personally categorized it in two types(feel free to correct me if I am wrong).
- FWB’s expecting professional favors : In this category the FWB could be your workplace colleague or junior who is attracted to your position and who feels that your company can help him/her climb the career ladders.
- FWB’s expecting materialistic favors : In this category the FWB could be your friend who is attracted to your wealth. He/she wish to manipulate you emotionally so that he can fulfill his materialistic dreams.
- FWB’s expecting sexual favors : Over here the FWB could be your friend, relative or your senior in workplace who is attracted to your sexuality. He try to emotionally overpower you so that he can sexually satisfy himself.
Conclusion : We all have done that once in a while because of our expectations, circumstances and intentions. Ultimately, we should learn to recognize such people and try to avoid their company.
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I will tell you what “FwB” , ‘Friends With Benefits’ means to me , as a Guy of over 50+ who has had a few GF’s that were exactly this style of relationship.
It means to me ((and probably him)) that he is not willing to commit to a ‘Serious Relationship’, i.e.; One that may end up with you two becoming engaged and possibly married but your relationship is strictly based on being friends who have sex. Lots & lots of hot, steamy, good loud, screaming sex. I presume this since the phrase “Friends with Benefits” “has been put out there , since ‘The Benefits’ they are talking about is lots of cheap, easy, fun Sex with Zero commitment & no strings attached .
I do hope this is what you expected to hear , since I’m calling it like I see/ Hear it and as it would mean to me , being a guy who has been there before. I never went into a ‘Relationship’ looking for “Just Sex” , but was told that after some time by each girl/female/woman/Lady I was with at the time. That I was a good lover and they adored me for how I made them feel in bed but that they did not want to settle down nor did they want me to start “ Feeling Deeply “ for them.
You can guess that , being one who wears his heart on his sleeve most times that I was a bit miffed and disappointed when I was “Good Enough” to be in bed with them , but ‘Not Good Enough’ to be their Fiance or Hubby someday. And I’m probably guessing that you are not really thrilled with the Idea of being “Good Enough” to have sex with , but not good enough for more or that he does not want it to turn serious so he tells you this.
I do hope that things work out well for you , and that if you do not want to be his “Fuck Toy” , that you can get away and find someone else who gives back to you like you give to them and wants you for more than just a intimate physical partnership. Hope this answer helps , if only a little . 😀 SRW
The important part is right there in the name, FRIENDS. The primary part of a Friends-with-benefits is that the two people are friends in and out of the bedroom, before and after the “benefits” happen. And because they are actual friends, they communicate as such; openly, directly, honestly. Just like they would with their friends they aren’t fucking. It’s a casual sexual relationship that has boundaries and rules the 2 friends discuss openly and honestly and agree to. Which means whatever terms they agree on and helps keep the friendship in place, regardless of the sex involved.
But apparently a lot of people are completely clueless what a friend in any sense of the word is, because that part of the equation or terminology is lost on them. They treat the person they call a FWB as less than human often, or if it was a friend, once the sex happens, that “friend” is downgraded to a disposable, emotionless, sex robot.
And it is further muddied by the fact so many cheaters, players, booty-calls, and one-night stands misuse the term to describe their casual sexual relationships so they don’t sound as “bad” as what they actually are (cheating, liars, users. players, one-night-stands).
If people actually understood it was a distinct type of casual sex relationship, and had a clue what actual friends were, there would probably be less confusion. Not to mention if people communicated honestly and directly with their sex partner and stopped trying to hide behind a “cutesy” label, they might use the correct term for their sexual relationship instead of misusing FWB.
FWB can come in two basic categories, IMO:
- Social-group-friends w/ benefits. Meaning you’re not close friends — you have a distance on that level And it’s kept, despite hooking up. You’d call them a “hookup” and not a FWB, but you guys are actual friends, albeit connected thru other friends you each are closer to. Usually these don’t last long. They become the next level, or usually fizzle out, given enough time.
Another one on a lower level though could be LD-friends w/ benefits. Meaning they live in another city/town that’s a ways away, but you’ll see them sometimes. And if/when mutually single, you’ll usually hook up. However, they’re NOT Active FWB. They’re more like a friend where there’s not just beyond-platonic feelings involved but there’s distance — and Potential benefits may occur if/when single.
- 1-on-1 Friends w/ Benefits. This is the more common one. You’re Seeing Each Other. But you’re skirting Romance out of the equation, and a realization that you both Aren’t aiming to become an “item”. You’re basically wanting to be friends-but-more-than-friends. You talking to each other doesn’t require lining up a time to hook up. You’re ACTUAL friends — and also sleeping with each other. Thus, you’re relatively close friends. You are technically single — as you both put yourselves in position Not to become an “item” — but they are someone you’re seeing. Think of it like an open Casual relationship with someone you know decently well.
What FWB shouldn’t be misconstrued as, which too many people do, is a “Fvck Buddy”. A Fvck Buddy is when you’re not just positioning yourselves away from Dating each other, but also positioning yourselves away from becoming Actual Friends. Sure, it can happen though. Many times Fvck Buddies become closer and then they become FWB. But when you’re Fvck Buddies — you’re just talking to set up hooking up. The later night hit-ups.
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I used to think “friends with benefits” was what you called someone you just didn’t love. Sure, there was chemistry and therefore sex, but this person could not be “upgraded” to you (or him) calling it a relationship.
Now I realize the colossal power of the word “friend”. Friends are there for you. They are interested in your endeavors, and you in theirs. You come through for each other.
Friendships frequently outlast most relationships by years, even decades.
Relationships have a tangle of binds. They have more burdens, more expectations and more demands. Being fully compatible is a requirement if you are to have a harmonious life.
Friends love you the way you are, roll with your quirks and idiosyncrasies instead of wanting you to change them.
A lack of compatibility is less of an issue as this type of relationship comes with more room.
You most definitely love a friend with benefits – and can, of course, fall in love. This is because even when we decide and agree to “not fall for each other”, we don’t govern our hearts.
But, in friends with benefits, the dynamic between the two of you has room to ebb and flow. You can love and not, fall in and out of love, and witness the rock solid foundation of who you are – the friends part – hold you together much better than a significant other surviving you don’t love them anymore.
A Friends with Benefits (FWB) relationship I s where you engage in physical intimacy in addition to emotional friendship with another person. The relationship is usually not romantic although romantic aspects may arise as more physical intimacy occurs. It is usually never monogamous since by definition it’s just two friends enjoying some time in bed. It can take place with any gender combination.
FWB can easily evolve into a more serious form of relating and it is rare that a FWB will continue. FWB can also “ruin” friendships as both parties cannot go back to its original form.
However, FWB can be a very nurturing experience for both people and can heal wounds from bad breakups or loneliness. Relating is a new form called “sexy best friends” (SBF) where one partner is a strong supporter of the other person’s exploration with other people.
The best route to changing from “friends” to FWB is with overt deliberate communication. Setting boundaries and expectations will create a much healthier chance of remaining in connection with that friend. Often, FWB occur after inebriation which creates a shaky foundation for a clean outcome. However, as in all relating, anything can happen! I’ve enjoyed many FWB relationships and they have enriched my life greatly.
For me, there are 6 classes of sexual relationship:
- NSA hookup, or Cum and Gone. Don’t expect a 2nd date.
- Fuck Buddies. Two people who enjoy getting it on, with no commitments outside the bedroom and no exclusivity.
- Friends With Benefits. Two people who enjoy other activities besides sex, but who usually end dates back in the bedroom. No commitments (other than punctuality), or exclusivity, required.
- Lovers. Getting serious. While a person can have multiple lovers, the question of exclusivity is always on the table and has to be dealt with. Jealousy, not allowed in previous levels, rears its green-eyed head.
- Partners. Lovers who have a financial relationship: they might share an apartment or a car, or a time share.
- Spouses. Partners who tie the knot in a legal relationship.
Each higher relationship includes aspects of lower ones. For instance, lovers still have to embody the same mutual respect that imbues FWBs. Lovers who don’t show up on time for their assignations run the same risk as unpunctual FWBs: getting dumped.
The boundaries set within the relationship are the definition of the relationship. When I say boundaries, I mean the little rules, spoken or unspoken, that each of you have established to avoid any pitfalls. It’s probably more tough to navigate than an actual relationship, since you are constantly establishing boundaries rather than growing together, so when one boundary is no longer effective, you must erect another boundary to take its place.
For example: You and your partner may have established times in which you both are either “open” or “closed” for “business.” Some people might prefer their sex partner leave by 10pm; some people may have restrictions on certain days—birthdays, holidays, weekends—in which they don’t want to be bothered.
There are many other examples, and all of those factors end up defining your “Friends With Benefits” package. 🙂 Personally, I’ve found that these types of arrangements don’t work, since they’re largely populated with people whose lives are in transition or who do not know where they will be in the near future. It’s all very temporary, and it seems that, once you get a “pattern” established, one or the other partner blows up the pattern. I prefer patterns in my life to non-patterns, as having to think too hard about anything is exhausting to me.
Hope this helps!
It means “Friend With Benefits”. The definition might be a bit misleading, for I don’t think the person does necessarily have to be a “friend”. It could just be someone you hang out with once in a while, and fool around with. Someone that becomes more than an acquaintance though, I’d say.
The line can be a bit blurry when it comes to these relationships, as sex and love can easily go together. It’s good to be clear about how you both feel or want. You can have multiple FWBs, of any gender, and not be dating any of them. You can have some, even though you’re already in a relationship.
It’s probably better and safer than hooking up with random people to satisfy your sexual desires. It means you guys can do something you enjoy together, hang out, and have sex casually on top of that, if you both feel like it. Some people would be amazing FWB, but terrible gf/bf.
It does not have to be full-on sex, it can stick to any aspect of sexuality you’d like to explore… Sexuality is a complex thing, and it’s easily conceivable that one given partner cannot fulfill all your needs or is interested in experimenting some things you may want to try.
Friends with benefits is a term that typically describes friends that also have a sexual relationship without any kind of romantic commitment. Obviously it is not “no strings attached” since they are friends and that’s a pretty significant string, and there is a commitment to friendship as well with the addition of a sexual relationship.
You have said you don’t want that relationship but I guess are feeling pressured because you want a relationship with this guy. It’s not something to be desired or not desired. If it works for both friends then there is nothing wrong with it but it needs to be consensual. It would not be so with you.
Also the friends with benefits has a very strong qualifier of “friends”. If you’re not friends, it’s just sex and not friends with benefits.