Is there a more polite way to say ‘Can you please provide your …

  • You should listen to peoples problems but there comes a point. Where they either completly brought it on themselves, or they’re problems are just so draining on you and you feel like an unpaid therapist. I would maybe just say. “I am sorry I wish I could help but this isn’t my place, it is yours,” I don’t know if that helps but just don’t say it in a condescing way or like you feel superior to them.

    Sadie and Naomi, two rivals since high school met one day, and of course, Sadie wanted to show off. “Oh, my husband is so good to me. He took me to Europe last summer.”

    “Fantastic!” replied Naomi.

    Sadie continued, “Then he took me around the world on an expensive cruise ship.”

    “Fantastic!” replied Naomi.

    “Then he took me to New York, Fifth Ave., and bought me a complete outfit at Sach’s”, said Sadie.

    “Fantastic!” replied Naomi.

    “And finally, he gave me a diamond ring worth $100,000” gloated Sadie.

    “Fantastic!” replied Naomi.

    “So what have you been up to, Naomi?”asked Sadie, smiling archly.

    “Well,” said Naomi, “I went to charm school where we were taught to say ‘Fantastic!’ instead of ‘BULL SHIT’.

    For a long time I have thought of getting a tee shirt which says on the front:

    I am way too busy right now.

    I don’t know anything about that.

    I am afraid of electricity.

    I am afraid to climb ladders.

    I have a bad back.

    My doctor told me not to do whatever it is you want help with.

    Because those are the reasons I most often hear when someone says they cannot help me. With the tee shirt I could just point to my shirt.

    But directly to your question: I would say No and then say nothing else. Leave anything further up to them.

    All that being said: it is my opinion that it is simply impossible to help too many people in this world – so if it’s at all possible I help others. Even to the point of looking for ways to help them.

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    I usually say “No, I disagree with you there” and give the reason(s) why. Of course, most of the time I get interrupted with a lot of yelling, but stick to your argument and don’t descend to ad homini.

    I fucked up pretty good a few weeks ago. I have a close friend named Shiara. She’s bisexual, with a preference towards women. She’s also in the closet (I was the only one who knew) because her parents would genuinely disown her.

    “I would kill myself if I was related to one of those faggots.” — Her grandfather.

    In a long story that does not reflect well on me, I told her sexuality to my girlfriend and another girl named Tara. Damage control wasn’t a problem (I’d trust my girlfriend and Tara with my life) but I had some apologizing to do.

    I decided to get her a small gift. It’s easy to say the words she wants to hear. A personal gift shows that I value her enough to spend money and time looking for something she would appreciate. Plus, everyone likes getting things.

    I got Shiara a pair of profane socks.

    I wrote a note that said “Sorry for being an asshole” and bought a Kit Kat. I put the whole package in her mailbox and texted her.

    Maybe the real moral of the story is to forget the chocolate when it’s the middle of summer.

    If someone has made it clear that they don’t want you around, there is nothing you can say that won’t make it sound like you’re trying to give them a guilt trip. Just walk away. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. If you say something like “I won’t disturb you anymore as you want” you’re trying to guilt them into asking you to stick around. Why would you want to spend time with someone who’s made it apparent that your presence doesn’t matter. Find others who will value you for you.

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    Some cultures say “please” a lot less often, or less directly, than some.

    It took me some getting used to that “please” is used almost not at all in Sweden when I moved here from England, but when I hear an English speaker moderate a workshop these days, I almost need an asthma spray with all the “please” utterances going on. So I’ve gotten used to the Swedish ways.

    Both in Swedish and in Chinese, I find, using equivalents to “please” can come across as overly formal in a way that can be interpreted as aggressive, exaggerated, or joking. But both have plenty of verbs and ways to put things that give a request the necessary diplomacy, even if the direct translation can seem abrupt.

    The actual insinuation is also different.

    The Swedish version of “Please Wait” is “Var god vänta” – which literally translates into the fairly bossy “be good, wait”. But it is understood the same way as the English one. Swedish generally comes across as much more directive.

    If one were to machine translate a most polite, Swedish text into English, it may well sound as if written by The Borg.

    If politeness is what you’re after, just skip the passive-aggressive instinct entirely and omit the idea that you weren’t impressed with what they tried to do.

    Want to be polite? Just say “thank you” and move on.

    Want to be a truly kind and thoughtful person? Say thank you and add that you understand and appreciate their efforts in trying to help you. (Even if you secretly wish they hadn’t)

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    ‘Your comments are welcomed’.

    ‘Your comments are appreciated’.

    ‘please feel free to leave any comments here’.

    ‘kindly post your comments here’.

    ‘We love to hear your comments on this article.’

    ‘please feel free to share your thoughts on this story.’

    This is a simple boundaries issue. Ask yourself why you are struggling to just say, “I’m sorry. Nothing personal, but I’m not in the mood for conversation right now.” You have a right to silence. You don’t have to please anyone else by listening to them.

    Don’t worry about the other person. Their emotional status is NOT your job. Seriously. Adults are responsible for their own feelings. If the person is offended, hurt or put off, that’s THEIR problem not yours. Try any or several of these:

    “Nothing personal, but I struggle with sensory overload sometimes and now is one of those times. I really don’t want to talk, or listen right now. Would you mind being silent with me, or finding another table?”

    “I’ve had a rough morning (afternoon, evening etc.) and am not in the mood to talk, or listen to anyone else talk right now. Can you find someplace else to sit, or please just not say anything right now?

    “I’m sure I look like I’m open to a conversation right now, but I’m not. Would you excuse me. I need some serious quiet time right now.”

    “I’m taking a break from work right now to think about something I have to do later, so I can’t talk right now.”

    If the person objects, or tries to have a conversation, or doesn’t just nod and go away, you say:

    “I’m sorry. I thought I was pretty clear on needing …

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