I have anxiety, does it mean I’m a weak person?

  • As someone who has anxiety, I’m sure you wouldn’t like a simple “yes/no” answer.

    Instead, I’ll let you know what I think about anxiety:

    After high school, my dad forced me to go to Central America with him. He would tell you that he took me because he wanted to celebrate my high school graduation, but if you knew him, you’d know that he didn’t care at all about my graduation except for the fact that it made him look good. Which is also the only reason he wants me to go to college. He doesn’t care about how much I’m trying to achieve in life. He cares about how similar he and I are. Whereas he wishes for me to drink, smoke, and have many “partners”, I choose to instead be someone who reads a lot, shows up to their boxing gym with the goal of completing “One Punch Man’s” training routine every time I show up, and learning how the world works. Especially when it comes to money.

    As you can see, my dad, and also many other adults in my family, try to plan out my life for me. That’s when I tell them that I don’t care at all about what they think, expect, or have planned out for my future. Though, that doesn’t mean I don’t have anxiety.

    I worry day in and day out about what I’m going to do with my life. In fact, I’ve finished my 20th book today. It’s called “The Red Pyramid” by Rick Riordan. I spent all day reading it so I can move on to the next book, called “The Throne of Fire” also by Rick Riordan. At around 3pm today, my mom came in my room and asked me, “don’t you think you read too much?”. I told her yes and continued reading. Do you see the problem here? My mom asked me why I read so much. I of course didn’t get mad, because I don’t live for my mom. I couldn’t care less if she wishes to kick me out of the house because I choose to read a lot. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t get anxious. As an INFJ, I’m a very sensitive person. That also means I know a lot about feelings. That means, I see anxiety as a natural state of mind. P.S., I’m not saying anxiety is a good thing. I’m saying I’ve accepted that I’m anxious most of the time.

    My point? Just because you’re anxious doesn’t mean you’re weak. Just like, just because you read so much doesn’t make you smart. Anxiety, like books, are just…there. I’ve never read the bible, though if I do, that just means I have knowledge about a religion. It doesn’t mean I’m Catholic. It sure doesn’t mean that I’m a saint. What I’m trying to say is, it’s not so simple. Anxiety does not equal weak. Anxiety equals hurt feelings, followed by thoughts, especially thoughts about the “rules” of life, followed by guilt/worry of failure, followed by thoughts of how to improve yourself. Having anxiety does not make you weak, but strategic. It means you are careful about your actions, and calculative about events. In my book, if you have anxiety and are looking for ways to improve yourself, you are a strong person. It means you may eventually become stronger than regular people, and in the middle of it, begin to see that there are infinite possibilities to problems, instead of “if A, then B”. Ex) “If A, then B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y, or Z”.

    I won’t tell you “It gets better”, because that’s too simple. I’ll tell you, strategy is a useful skill. There’s always more than one way to think about thoughts. Find them, and you will eventually find something that satisfies you.

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