I don’t feel like talking to anyone. What are the possible psychological reasons?
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You may be an introvert. Many people mistakenly believe that introversion means shyness. In fact, an introverted person finds other people draining and instead s/he draws energy from within. It isn’t unusual for an introvert to avoid talking to people.
I am an introvert, although maturity has modulated this to a significant degree. I not only had little interest in talking to others, I had nothing to say to them. My nose was always in a book, and I sequestered myself in the library to avoid my roommate in college. I hated group projects, and would customarily take them over and do them myself while allowing the group to assume credit. In my early work years, I received fequent complaints from co-workers, either because I hated being interrupted while focused on the task at hand or because they found me impenetrable in regard to sociability. Sound at all like you? Then, you might be an introvert. I outgrew many of these characteristics, largely by necessity, but I still do not play well with others!
Here is a link to an article about introversion: Nine Signs You’re Really an Introvert.
You mention no other feelings or behaviors that would indicate depression. If this withdrawal from people is something new and if it continues with additional feelings, such as hopelessness, fatigue, loneliness, changes in sleep and/or eating habits, reduced sense of self-worth, well then you might want to pursue the possibility that you are depressed. Here is a little quiz to help you determine the likelihood that depression is your underlying factor. Depression Screening Test.
I just googled “psychology of not wanting to talk to people” and found the following article. I was a little bowled over by the amount of information, and I do not feel altogether certain the material is completely trustworthy. For one thing, introversion is referred to as a psychological disorder, when it really is simply a personality characteristic. However, the author does cover many suggested reasons why you might not want to talk to people, so perhaps something might strike you as applicable to yourself. I don’t like to talk to people.
I hope this information is helpful. Thank you for the A2A.
Take the big 5 personality test. Once you truly understand the 5 traits it’s most enlightening in regards to personality. You can them essentially in terms of a spectrum. Briefly:
- Extraversion: Sociability. Susceptibility and preference to positive emotion. On the opposite end is introversion, which is less concerned with sociability, less susceptible and less preference to positive emotion, and seems to have a draw toward nature.
- Agreeableness: Cooperativeness. The people-pleasing type. The more maternal approach to human interaction. Disagreeableness on the other hand is all about competition.
- Conscientiousness: Split into two subcategories: orderliness and dutifulness. The types who are very well-organized, and the types who stick to whatever job until it’s complete. The opposite end would be disorderliness and sloth.
- Neuroticism: Negative emotion. These people tend to play things very carefully, due to the neurotic lows they can reach should things go wrong. They also tend to be very self-reflective. The opposite is emotional stability, which speaks for itself.
- Openness: Split into two subcategories: intelligence and creativity. These are the people who are much more likely to break away from tradition in their teens/early 20’s. Being closed means you’re less interested in intellectual pursuit (be that from being less intelligent or not) and more likely to adopt traditional, established belief systems.
All 5 traits regardless of where you fall have their strengths and weaknesses. This analysis is much more telling and profound than the Meyer Briggs test, mainly because with the Meyer Briggs everyone “wins” no matter what. We all know that’s not how life actually is.
People who are agreeable tend to be too nice which leads to not sticking up for themselves and allowing others to take advantage of them. People low in neuroticism can seem heartless and are difficult to have deep, emotional conversation with. People high in openness are at risk of being too unstructured and fickle in their beliefs.
Each one of those has their obvious strengths to go along with it. Life would be boring if we didn’t have faults or weaknesses anyway, right?!
Anyway, the reason you don’t want to talk to people is probably due to being introverted and neurotic. I’m the same way. I definitely enter hermit mode from time to time where the only people I feel like seeing or dealing with are those who mean the most to me. There’s nothing particularly wrong with it in short spurts, but if it’s a long, ongoing thing we’re talking about here it could wind up being bad. I also am very agreeable so I love and crave human relationship and companionship. If I let hermit mode rule me I end up becoming rather depressed.
Hope this helps to some degree! It’s much more helpful and insightful (for the client when I’m coaching) if I can directly ask people questions to truly understand what’s going on in their life. That being said I’ll happily answer any other questions! 🙂
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It is called social withdrawal. There are many times that happens to me too. I am an introvert but am forced to converse with people on a daily basis because of duty calls and social scrutiny. I find people exhausting, there’s nothing more annoying than that person who pokes on your head while working, clearly knowing that you are busy and asks;
“What are you doing?”
I mean, is it even possible to not to be withdrawn? Sure, humans are social animals but who said everybody has to be a social mammoth?! Come on, mammoths went extinct ages ago.
But the feeling itself is not problematic. What’s important is whether you feel it on a daily basis or sometimes. If like me, it is occasional then no worries, it is natural. Go and sit in your room and do what you like, Relax. These things happen to a lot of people, it’s perfectly normal to get exhausted of colossally pointless social interaction. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to indulge in some comfortable time with yourself. Even the most social people need to do that sometimes. Take a day deep breath. It’s okay.
But if you feel that way all the time then it could be a problem. Not terminal or chronic, mind you. Just problematic. And everything has a certain degree of ‘problematicism’. So, it’s okay. The solution lies in what you don’t want to do. Go talk to someone, analyse what you feel, look for the reason you feel this way. Are people treating you well? Do you feel comfortable? If not, why? Yes, then why do you not want to talk to people? Do you get nervous? Impatient? Bored? Why?
Know yourself, everything will be solved from there onwards. Talk to your close ones about it. If you don’t want to, talk to a specialist. If you can’t, visit 7 cups and talk to someone or sign up for volunteer work. If you don’t want to, I wish you luck my friend. Maybe you need to work on taking initiatives and trying something new before solving your problem of social interaction.
Now that’s something that most of us are going through despite what we are or how we are born to be or to feel this way all the time
“Is it common for some of us to feel this way a lot”
It’s hard to take all of that in without understanding why we always feel like that all the time or what the natural causes could be to lead us to that conclusion
I know we all suffer the same thing from one another and yet we aren’t the only one’s feeling that way a lot
Unlike everyone else this has been going on for a few years despite me being an adult now and back when I was a teen when I had the feeling of wanting to talk to someone online though I thought it wasn’t easy at first, I’ve grown tired of the way I was treated all the time as if I wasn’t worth “something” or the fact that I somehow finally found the right words to describe this “uneasiness” I was always feeling out of place whenever I start feeling that I’m not being or feeling welcomed of someone’s presence or better yet I don’t know why I felt that way a lot back then when I didn’t know what the problem was in the first place and the fact that I know what the problem is and how to solve it
Like most people, they’d feel scared of being judged or just feeling isolated although there are still other reasons as to why you’re feeling that way a lot unlike me, I’m probably similar to everyone else related to feeling isolation and the fear of being judged or being treated poorly as a human being or “friend”
In my case I’ve always felt envious of everyone having a good time and I’ve always wondered about that and started thinking why am I the only one who isn’t having a good time and that lead me to think that I was always out of place all the time because of this unwanted feeling, even if I don’t feel it, it’s just there for a reason that I can’t explain how or why but I got used to it after passing by small or big groups of people conversing with each other while I’m usually just a stranger to everyone else, normally that is just natural or let’s say “common” these days, there’s nothing unusual about walking pass by someone that you don’t know weather it’s about walking up to someone and such or if you just didn’t have any courage at all to talk to people if that’s what lead you to believe that is how you’ll be able to make friends and talk to them since that’s how it works for most people
though this isn’t the case for someone like you or me, unlike myself that is… I’m also quiet as well and I don’t talk much like everyone or probably because I’m not like them or how I wish to be able to talk like them or at least converse in a way that’d made sense in a way
In the end all of this has lead me to believe that I’m always feeling out of place whenever I’m around people who don’t bother saying a word to me or come up to me and say hi, but as I said before this is natural or mostly common these days to be treated like that to each other when you or “I” hardly know each other which is why I stay away from big or small groups of people, I end up being envious and I start craving for the very thing that they have which I don’t… there’s no human being or person in the world that could understand this pain of mine though similar to what everyone else is going through theses days I likely doubt it
I wasn’t afraid of being judged or how I was treated back then even if I hardly had any interactions with anyone i know of
Hey there, thank you for asking for my input.
Being introverted is not necessarily a good answer to your question. I know introverted people who enjoy time spent alone, but when they need to, they will interact with others.
Your situation is different: you simply don’t feel like talking to anyone. I don’t think that this a psychological problem, but more that you haven’t been conditioned to interact with others in a comfortable manner.
Here’s my suggestion: start by having minor interactions with people in the service industry. Talk to waitresses, cashiers, bankers–people who have to talk to you as part of their job. You can really chat about anything. Talk about daily events, major news stories, etc. The goal is to become more comfortable with talking to random people.
As you get better and better, see if you can spark up a conversation from scratch with a classmate or coworker. See what is going on in their life and determine whether you can relate to that. Slowly, build your social network, recruiting people from all fields to become part of your entourage.
Even then, you still might have the feeling of not wanting to talk to people. However, in this day and age, being able to interact effectively may be more important than your professional skills. Being able to do so will invigorate your working career, romantic opportunities, and interpersonal interactions.
I urge you to read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Highlight, take notes. Slowly ease yourself into more and more interactions every day.
Best of luck!
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You may have felt that an interaction with another has left you feeling a little let down. You don’t need to hide out, which makes us feel as if we’re “not there” for someone. Or, that we’re being unlike ourselves; cowardly or selfish. Ignore the call if you wish. It’s not your job to obey a ringing phone. Or answer a ringing doorbell. But we need to take control of our own lives, our own feelings, and also responses. To just automatically react is not a useful way to handle things. We would be better off to simply respond, but not in kind. If you’re inferring toxicity, for example, would it be a productive choice to do it right back? Not at all. However, that often is what our follow-up involves. Needlessly. You are not a sounding board. Instead, we can make the decision to say, “Call me back [or come back over] later, when you’re really wishing to talk to me, instead of wanting to vent about something that has nothing to do with me.” Good deflection! You’re actually putting yourself first. That’s not selfish. In fact, that’s what they were attempting to do, with their call, or during their visit. It makes for a happy day for you and resultantly, your loved ones there at home. You’ll see that you have infinitely more time for yourself, also. Maintain a well-thought-out plan of action.
I’m the same like you tbh. I do feel insecure around people but it’s not too much. Being alone makes me so happy. And when i need to talk I’ll just go talk to people who nicer and talkative. I’ll become so selective to find friend otherwise they will take advantage on you. So I’ll be very nice to nice people and rude to rude people.lol
Whenever i go to new place alone, I’ll become real me but very confident person. Being confident can attract a lot of friends. I learn so much stuff about psychology and it helps me alot.
For example, people always judge you based on how you look like, but when they get to know you, all that matter is your characters and personality.
People also like when you talk with honesty and willing to show your weaknesses. The more they related to you the more they like you.
And so much more.
It’s not you don’t feel like to talk, you just afraid of rejection. And you convince your mind that somehow having no one to talk to is normal stuff. But it’s not. Don’t worry you’re not alone. Try read how to win and influence people by Dale Carnegie.
Maybe you’re just introverted. Introverted are wired to enjoy more loneliness than face to face social activities.
That’s my case. I spend a lot of time alone, and i feel confortable to write to you, saying this things…but i won’t be confident if your eyes were pointed to mine.
Sometimes i prefer to do text messaging with my girlfriend rather than speaking because i really love to express my ideas, my feelings, my point of but it’s really hard when i use my voice and someone is listening.
Maybe for you is the same.
Who cares? What matters is what you do about it:
- reduce your screen time by 25%, somehow.
- learn a new skill.
- get out of the house. Just walk.
- reduce your expectations – this is a long-term project.
- look for bad habits.
- conversing is mostly listening, so learn to listen deeply.
- learn to like yourself.
- talk to yourself, in private. Practice!
- record your voice. Now improve it.
- get outside your comfort zone more with each passing day.
- meet new people.
- do some precinct-walking for a politician you support.
That sounds like “social withdrawal”.
“Social withdrawal is a common side effect for people who have anxiety problems. Why social withdrawal occurs varies from person to person, and may have multiple causes: however, for any given cause there are also multiple solutions, which this article will discuss in detail.”
I find this question quite odd.
The answer to this is something that only you can know. I don’t know you, or your mind or how you feel, so I can’t second guess this.
I can say that there are times to socialise and times to be alone. Both are normal and we all fluctuate, I have no doubt, between these extremes, if you can call them that.
If you are an introvert, this may account for your feelings, but if you are not, then I would find it impossible to say for sure, without further information.